Mittasutta — Yodhājīvavagga — the fourteenth chapter of the Threes
Setting
None stated; the discourse continues from AN 3.1, whose setting at Sāvatthī is understood to hold
Speakers
The Buddha alone, addressing the mendicants
Form
A single-sentence instruction, naming three qualities of a friend worth keeping
Length
≈30 seconds to read
Northern parallel
The definition of a true friend by willingness to do what is difficult recurs across the Chinese Āgamas; this reading guide does not assert a specific matching sutra number
Difficulty
★☆☆☆☆ — immediately clear and immediately usable
Why this discourse
Three tests for a friend worth keeping, and every one of them is a test of difficulty: what is hard to give, what is hard to do, what is hard to bear. A friendship that has never been tested by any of the three has not yet shown what it actually is.
Reading guide
The teaching in one sentence
Associate with a friend who gives what is hard to give, does what is hard to do, and bears what is hard to bear.
A definition built entirely on difficulty
All three qualities share the same shape: something dujjaha, hard to give up; dukkara, hard to do; dukkhama, hard to bear. A friend who is easy to be around when nothing costs anything has not yet met any of the discourse’s three tests. The definition is deliberately built so that it cannot be satisfied by pleasantness alone.
Giving what is hard to give
Not ordinary generosity, but the kind of giving that costs the giver something real — time, comfort, standing, or an outcome they wanted for themselves. A friend who gives easily, from surplus, has not yet demonstrated this quality; a friend who gives from what would otherwise be kept has.
Doing what is hard to do
A second, distinct register: not sacrifice but effort, undertaking something unpleasant, risky, or simply exhausting on another’s behalf, where an easier option was available and declined.
Bearing what is hard to bear
The third is neither giving nor doing but enduring — staying present through something difficult rather than withdrawing from it. A friend who disappears when a situation becomes uncomfortable has failed this test specifically, even if they never fail the first two.
Why the discourse tests for difficulty rather than warmth
Warmth is cheap to perform and easy to mistake for friendship. Difficulty is not; a person will only give what is hard to give, do what is hard to do, and bear what is hard to bear for someone they actually value, which is precisely why the discourse uses difficulty rather than affection as its measure. It is a test that cannot be faked by someone who is merely pleasant to have around.
Key terms
dujjaha — “hard to give up” — what the first quality of a worthwhile friend gives anyway.
dukkara — “hard to do” — what the second quality undertakes anyway.
dukkhama — “hard to bear” — what the third quality endures anyway.
mitta — “friend” — the discourse’s subject, defined entirely by what difficulty a friend is willing to meet.
bhajitabba — “should be associated with” — the discourse’s one instruction, aimed at the listener’s own choice of company.
The text
The discourse in full, a single instruction. Translation: Bhikkhu Sujato (CC0, SuttaCentral).
A friend worth keeping
§1“Mendicants, you should associate with a friend who has three factors. What three? They give what is hard to give, they do what is hard to do, and they bear what is hard to bear. You should associate with a friend who has these three factors.”
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Self-check quiz
Ten questions. Click an answer to see immediate feedback. No score is recorded — this is for your own checking.
Question 1 of 10
What three qualities define a friend worth associating with?
Correct: B. All three built on the same criterion: difficulty.
Question 2 of 10
What shape do all three qualities share, according to the guide?
Correct: B. The definition is built so pleasantness alone cannot satisfy it.
Question 3 of 10
How does the guide distinguish "giving what is hard to give" from ordinary generosity?
Correct: B. Giving from what would otherwise be kept, not giving from what's left over.
Question 4 of 10
What distinguishes "doing what is hard to do" from the first quality?
Correct: B. Not sacrifice but effort on another's behalf, where an easier option was declined.
Question 5 of 10
What does "bearing what is hard to bear" specifically test?
Correct: B. A friend who disappears when things get uncomfortable fails this test specifically.
Question 6 of 10
Why does the guide say the discourse tests for difficulty rather than warmth?
Correct: B. A person only meets difficulty for someone they actually value.
Question 7 of 10
What is the discourse's grammatical form?
Correct: B. Bhajitabba — "should be associated with," aimed at the listener's own choices.
Question 8 of 10
Can a friend who has never faced any of the three tests be known to have this quality?
Correct: B. The definition requires an actual instance of difficulty met, not a disposition merely claimed.
Question 9 of 10
What is the discourse's length and structure?
Correct: B. About thirty seconds to read, with no elaboration attached.
Question 10 of 10
What kind of friend does this discourse NOT describe?
Correct: B. Pleasantness alone does not satisfy any of the three tests.
